Why Must Parents Pay For College
October 9, 2008 – 5:22 am
I haven’t quite been able to wrap my brain around why parents feel the need to pay for their children’s college. I can understand:
- wanting your child to get off on the right start
- wanting to help your kid in a way you were (possibly) never helped
- wanting more for them than you have for yourself, whether it be income, wealth, education, opportunities, etc.
I also realize that many people today are putting their own retirement in jeopardy by funding college rather than saving for retirement. I can understand wanting to put your children first, but ultimately you may become even more of a burden on them later in life if they have to take care of you due to poor saving and planning!
I would like to be able to save something towards my childrens’ college education, but I’m not convinced I should fund all of it, even in I can easily do so. Here are the pros of not funding (or partially funding college) and I see it:
- I want my kids to understand the consequences of their own decisions
- I want my kids to(hopefully) have more “skin in the game” if they have to pay for all or part of their college education. It will mean more to them if they earn their own way than it will to have mommy and daddy pay for it.
- I want my kids to understand that going to an ivy league school may not be a wise financial decision, and I expect that they will not be as likely to judge both the value and cost of their education if they have it paid by someone else.
There are a lot of ways to accomplish these goals, and withholding funds for college is obviously not the only option.
I would also consider saving for my children’s college but not tell them about the savings until after they made their decision on what to study and where they want to attend college. That was I can help them out, I’m not committed to providing all of their schooling on my dime, and they still have a major stake in the decision because they expect to have to pay for all of it.
Do you plan to pay for college for your children? Do you feel obligated to pay for all of it? Regardless of the cost?
Image Credit: David Paul Ohmer
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16 Responses to “Why Must Parents Pay For College”
I don’t have any children yet. However when I have children, I do plan on paying for a portion if not most of their college education.
By Sabrina on Oct 9, 2008
I posted about this topic a while back – and basically I said that I thought it teaches responsibility for the kids to pay for their own college, and I thought they tend to get more out of it. Just giving it to them, I think makes it mean less.
By Pete on Oct 10, 2008
For 20 plus years, I had rental properties in the college town, I live in. My experience in renting to university students is this. The kids who are receiving little or no help from mom and dad, always paid their rent on time & kept the unit clean. The kids who had a free ride from mom and dad … never paid their rent on time (mom & dad would have to bail out) and always messed up the unit.
Interesting isn’t it?
By dawn on Oct 11, 2008
I’m not receiving any help paying for school (I’m a sophomore now), and I feel that students in my situation are getting an additional education outside the classroom. For kids who don’t receive much, if any, help paying for school, college takes on a whole new meaning. No longer are we getting prepared for the ‘real world’, we are in the real world. I know I’m taking it a helluva lot more seriously when I know I’m footing the entire bill.
Excellent post.
By Blake on Oct 12, 2008
As a long-term college instructor, I can testify that most students do better in school if they can focus all their attention on their studies. A full-time college schedule IS a job. A student’s job is to go to school.
As a parent: A major reason I work and save is to help keep the next generation in the middle class. Families stay in the middle class because each generation passes down both cultural capital and financial capital to its children. Funding a child’s college education accomplishes both those things at once.
By Funny about Money on Oct 13, 2008
I agree that it is a very difficult balance between helping and coddling.
I was lucky to live in a state that paid the tuition for any in-state college as long as you met minimal academic requirements in high school(
I worked during the summers for my living expenses during the school year and also worked as an RA to pay for room and board.
That being said I agree with Funny about Money, going to school is a full time job. To be able to compete at a high level one has to be able to focus on the task at hand, which for the college student is their next test or project.
I found being an RA wasn’t too busy. Busy enough to stay on schedule but not so busy that I was chronically fatigued and going to class tired
For my children,
I will be willing to assist with occasional major expenses(major car repairs, etc…) but I will not pay the tuition to a private school when they can get a free ride at a state school.
If they have their heart set on a particular school they can take out the loans and they will have “a skin in the game” I have not been impressed by many of my doctor friends who have high priced educations that mom and dad paid for.
By Dr. T on Oct 17, 2008
Yes, I definitely plan to pay for my children’s college education. I agree that being a student is a full time “job”.
By Jennifer on Oct 18, 2008
My parents helped me with college, but I still had to pay the bulk of it. I went to a community college the first two years, and then transferred to a private college. My parents response: “You can go there, but you’re going to have to figure out how you’re going to pay for it.”
I worked my tail off and got TONS of scholarships and walked away from college with no debt!
My husband and I plan to help our kids with college, but NOT at the expense of our retirement and own plans. Our goal is to give them the tools they need to pay for their own schooling through scholarships and good hard work!
By Christina on Oct 19, 2008
I don’t have kids yet, but I plan to help them, and have already started setting aside a bit of money for my as of yet unborn children’s college fund. Ridiculous? Maybe. But saving in any form is good.
Why do I want to help pay for their education? To pay it forward. My mom got help with her education. I got help with my education. So now it’s my turn to help the next generation. I figure that I should be able to save and help my kids since I don’t have crazy loan payments. I’d like to be able to pay it all, but given the rising costs of education, that’s likely not a reasonable goal. So I’ll do what I can.
By Megan on Oct 20, 2008
Very valid points Megan. I agree that savings of any kind is a good idea, and I’ll likely do the same. I’m still trying to figure out if I can squeeze an extra couple of “teachable moments” out by initially telling my kids that they are on their own when it comes to paying for college. I’ve got 15-18 years to figure that out though, so the question need not be answered immediately.
By todd on Oct 20, 2008
I don’t necessarily agree with people who think kids shouldn’t have to work during college. I agree that learning should be the primary focus, but they also need to learn to balance their workloads and lives. Having a part time job in school doesn’t necessarily have to take away from the “learning” portion of the college experience. It may even enhance the value of the education.
I will concede that some kids struggle with school more than others, and in those situations allow the kid(s) to focus on their school work is absolutely appropriate. Just my 2 cents though.
By todd on Oct 20, 2008
i agree with dawn.
Im also a sophomore in college
and my parents are not paying for my college.
Im paying for everything and i thank my parents theyre letting me live there for free!
thats alot of help!
And yes, now that im paying for school im taking it alot more serious. I have a part time job waiting tables and my GPA in college as of now is at 3.7, which i never had in high school. So ya now that im payong for it and giving it my all and no my job is not interfering with my school or affeting my grades at all.
By Belen on Dec 15, 2008
To: Funny about money,
Yes if “A full-time college schedule IS a job” and he/she treats it as a job not the vacation recess, the parents should do most to help him/her, but what about the contrary, will you have a different opinion then?
By Seagull on Dec 28, 2008