Stop Aiming For Average

It never ceases to amaze me how frequently I compare myself to others. Perhaps my ego or self-esteem or are overly sensitive, or maybe I’m just a competition freak, but I love knowing where I stand in relationship to others.

Just this morning while swimming I found myself happy because I was faster than a new guy that was swimming in my lane. I swim with a masters team that has members with a wide range of skills, and we’re split up into lanes based on our speed. For the last week or two I’ve only had two other people in the lane with me, but today as third person joined us.

Here’s the irony:

• Why do I care that I’m faster than someone I don’t even know?
• Why do I care that I’m faster than someone that was placed in my lane because we swim about the same speed? Clearly the difference in speed will be minimal at best.
• Two days ago my coach told me I was in the wrong lane, and he ‘promoted’ me to a faster lane, the second fastest lane there is.

We all tend to compare ourselves to others at times. Some men want to earn more money or have more power than others. Some women want to look better, have a better marriage, and have more friends than others. Others compare houses or cars, and some compare grades and number of job offers.

My advice, which I need to take myself, is to stop worrying about being average and simply focus on what is important to you! And this doesn’t mean you need to be an overachiever in any single category. It’s about living the live you want.

Averages tend to include:

• owning big houses and big cars
• owing big balances on credit cards, HELOCs, and mortgages
• spending more than you earn
• saving 10% for retirement because that’s what everyone else says you need to do
• working 50+ hours a week
• having kids that get 50 presents from in-laws every holiday but have no money saved for their college education
• professionals who strive to get promoted and advance there career, all the while get moved out of positions they enjoy and into jobs that they hate, while simultaneously taking on more career risk, longer hours, and more stress
• adults who watch four hours of television a night but haven’t ‘had the time’ to read a non-fiction book since college
• people who spend forty hours planning this years family vacation but won’t spend fifteen minutes a month creating and reviewing a budget
• working professionals who work jobs they don’t like so that they can save a million dollars and retire early, because that’s what magazines, blogs (including this one), and professionals tell them they “need” to do.

None of these scenarios are good or bad in and of themselves. It’s admirable to improve your skills and advance your career. There’s nothing wrong with driving a brand new huge honking 10-mile-to-the-gallon car if that’s what you want to do. My point is twofold. First, comparing yourself to others or to some magazine’s ‘average’ is not nearly as important as knowing who you are and what you really want. Second, consider straying from the ‘normal’ path and consider alternatives that might fit your personality and lifestyle better. For example, consider getting off the ‘fast-track’ at work and settle into a job that has reasonable hours for reasonable pay. Review your budget and see if there is anything there that isn’t bringing joy into your life. Read a book. Write a book. Turn down a promotion. Take a risk. Buy ten copies of a book you like and give them to your closest friends. Stray from the norm where it makes sense for you and your family, and don’t worry about what everyone else is doing. After all, they’re just trying to be “average” too.

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