I’m Tired of Advice From Strangers
May 30, 2008 – 6:17 amThis post is a bit off topic, but I just have to say that I’m tired of listening to advice from strangers. O.k, perhaps not total strangers, but people who don’t really know me very well. When I speak to my coworkers and ask about their kids they reciprocate by asking if I have any kids. I say that I don’t have kids yet, and then comes the onslaught of advice:
- “That’s great! You better have fun now before the kids come!”
- “Save your money, because kids will drive you to the poor house”
- “Make sure you take this time to travel and see the world! My wife and I did xxxx and went xxxx, yyyy, and zzzz and we had the time of our lives!”
I don’t mind some idle chit chat, and I don’t take offense, but the fact is that I don’t have the same values and dreams that most people have. I don’t want to travel. I spent the first six years of my career working a job that required 100% travel. I had a wonderful time living is six separate cities in the U.S. From living in Times Square in NYC to Ocean Drive on Miami Beach, I’ve scratched my travel itch. Although I haven’t spent much time overseas, I’ve settled into a life that I enjoy. I don’t want to go anywhere. Well, maybe to a bookstore. Other than that I’m good. Thanks for asking.
I also don’t think that having kids is going to drive me to the poor house. Are kids expensive? I’m sure. Will it affect our financial choices? Certainly. But if I expect to instill my frugal values in my children, I expect to keep the costs to a reasonable level and plan for such costs as best we can. We’re bound to make mistakes, and I’m bound to be wrong in some areas and right in others. Overall though I am not worried. If God chooses to bless us with one or more children, He will also provide a way for us to adapt to the extra mouths to feed.
I’m also tired of hearing advice from my family regarding my budget and choices. My family gives me grief about not going home very often, which requires either expensive plane tickets or a thousand mile road-trip. I like seeing my family, but I speak with them weekly and my wife’s family lives in another state as well. We visit one of our families each year, and use most of our wopping two weeks of vacation to do so. Making an extra trip each year is not going to happen financially, even if we wanted to.
My other gripe I hear relates to how much we spend on Christmas gifts. We don’t skimp by and make crafts for everyone, but we spend $30-$50 per person. If it was up to me I’d rather pick a name from a hat or only buy gifts for my wife and any kids/nieces/nephews under the age of 18. That will probably never happen with my side of the family. After all, we need ten gifts a piece to be happy, right? Not me. And not my wife either.
The real fun is going to occur once we have kids and I have to ask my parents to STOP buying so many gifts for my kids. Gifts of clothes and things may be o.k., b/c kids don’t think of such things as real gifts in my opinion. Getting twenty new toys in a single day does not seem appropriate to me. I’m not all that interested in ecliplising the real purpose of celebrating Christmas with too many gifts and not enough God. I don’t have a problem with gifts, but I also don’t want spoiled children. That should go over like a well. 
Here’s the point: I don’t let guilt or other people’s values affect my decisions. Instead I prefer to focus on what is best for my wife and our family.
Do you face similar challenges with your coworkers and extended family members?
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3 Responses to “I’m Tired of Advice From Strangers”
I can remember the toys I had as a kid building blocks that you could make a fort for the small plastic cowboys and Indians, or a cars, airplane, rocket ship. You just used your imagination and had fun and clean up was so easy. Now I see kids that can not open their closets or walk in their rooms because toys are everywhere. Heck when we wanted to play out side you played kick the can, hide and seek, or tag. Who knows maybe some kid would have a ball then we could play kickball. How many games could you play with a deck of cards? Spades, rummy, crazy 8’s, war, go fish, and the best 52 pick-up.
With a blank piece of paper you had tic-tac-toe, connect the dots, hang man, or just draw a picture.
By Bob on Jun 1, 2008
Wow, did I relate to this article!
I don’t mind travel, but there are only so many times you can spend the day trapped in the Cleveland airport before it becomes tiring. And THAT was for work - I can’t imagine how I would feel if that were my vacation. I mean, I’m 28, and I’ve lived in France for a year, done relief work in Nicaragua, traveled across Europe and the U.S…. I’m good. So many times we push ourselves so hard on vacation that when we get back we need a vacation from a vacation! No more of that for me.
And if other people’s thoughts on the expense of kids drive you crazy, imagine how I feel, as a person who doesn’t want to have any.
And like you, my family won’t shut up about my budget. My mother has been known to go through my bills while visiting and questioned me about my mortgage. Thanks, mom! Keep in mind you’re one of the people who kept pushing me to buy a house on the cusp of the sub-prime crisis!
By Lise on Jun 6, 2008